Its been a long time I haven't post any update here since my last entry. I am a bit busy lately. After came back from outstation last week, my inbox are nearly full of emails from people that chasing me for monthly report...! Time tak ada kerja rasa macam mati kutu je, tapi bila banyak kerja rasa macam tak sempat nak bernafas pula..heh.!
I used to love having a lot of job last time. It makes me have no time to think about crap thing and nonsense feeling. However, my mind are going crazy lately. Even though I have a lot of things to do, I'm still have time to think about a lot of thing..! Time aku sibuk dengan kerja, dia ( meaning the otak ) sibuk juga nak kerja. That's also one of the reason why I'm not updating this blog. I'm battle against myself and trying some meditation to stay focus and live my life like normal people. There's a lot of thing in my mind that I want to update here so badly, tapi aku tahan je, afraid that I will post something stupid again as I have a lot of unsatisfied feeling last week, toward people around me. I try to take it positively, but I can't. The anger burning inside me. I cannot let it out..! and for god sake, that stupid thing are the one that always distracted my mind everyday. I don't want to think about it anymore but it keep coming back to me. Sakit kepala aku tahan semua tu..!
I feel so depressed again. I'm really afraid if one day I will lose control on it and doing thing that will make me regretted for the whole life. I do not know why it is so hard to let go and it is hard to forget. I've tried everything to forget about that. I know no one care about me anymore, but I'm keep thinking about it. I just want to live happily with my life. I've already seek advise from other people, I've already seek guidance from Allah, and I end up feeling guilty and unhappy again. I've already try to accept on whatever happens tapi bila rasa rindu tu datang, it makes me remember a lot of memories..! I can't throw it away and I can't erased it from my mind. I know everything are impossible now, but I can't let go. I want to let go and I want to go far away from here but I can't. Rezeki aku belum terbuka. I need to try harder.
I am really depresed, but who cares..?no one cares though. I told myself that all these are ujian dari Tuhan kepada aku. Tekanan tu buat kepala aku sakit. Otak aku tak fokus, jiwa aku memberontak dan aku rasa nak marah saja..!
I'm blank....!!!!!
I used to love having a lot of job last time. It makes me have no time to think about crap thing and nonsense feeling. However, my mind are going crazy lately. Even though I have a lot of things to do, I'm still have time to think about a lot of thing..! Time aku sibuk dengan kerja, dia ( meaning the otak ) sibuk juga nak kerja. That's also one of the reason why I'm not updating this blog. I'm battle against myself and trying some meditation to stay focus and live my life like normal people. There's a lot of thing in my mind that I want to update here so badly, tapi aku tahan je, afraid that I will post something stupid again as I have a lot of unsatisfied feeling last week, toward people around me. I try to take it positively, but I can't. The anger burning inside me. I cannot let it out..! and for god sake, that stupid thing are the one that always distracted my mind everyday. I don't want to think about it anymore but it keep coming back to me. Sakit kepala aku tahan semua tu..!
I feel so depressed again. I'm really afraid if one day I will lose control on it and doing thing that will make me regretted for the whole life. I do not know why it is so hard to let go and it is hard to forget. I've tried everything to forget about that. I know no one care about me anymore, but I'm keep thinking about it. I just want to live happily with my life. I've already seek advise from other people, I've already seek guidance from Allah, and I end up feeling guilty and unhappy again. I've already try to accept on whatever happens tapi bila rasa rindu tu datang, it makes me remember a lot of memories..! I can't throw it away and I can't erased it from my mind. I know everything are impossible now, but I can't let go. I want to let go and I want to go far away from here but I can't. Rezeki aku belum terbuka. I need to try harder.
I am really depresed, but who cares..?no one cares though. I told myself that all these are ujian dari Tuhan kepada aku. Tekanan tu buat kepala aku sakit. Otak aku tak fokus, jiwa aku memberontak dan aku rasa nak marah saja..!
I'm blank....!!!!!
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