I went to play bowling yesterday, after finish my office hour. It's been long time I'm not going out to socialize my life. Rasa macam baru keluar gua..!!
I am having fun last night, but I'm not happy and I'm not enjoy it. Why..? Because my mind is at someone else. Looking at people around, make me sad and regretted on whatever happens. Like it or not, I have to admit my nature of living and my destiny. I can't erased my mistake and I can't cleared things up. I cannot change people's perception about my attitude and behavior. Besides, if I'm confront and said that I'm don't mean it, I guess no one will believe me anymore. This misunderstanding will remain the same. Whatever the good thing that I have done before, the world and people around me do not notice it. Well....I do not care about it as long as I know that there will be only ONE that always understand and know what I am doing. HE is the ONE that will judge and evaluate my action in this world that HE created.
Even tough I know and understand that, I am still sad on whatever happen. I'm not happy anymore. My emotion always down and I can't focus in what I am doing. The mistake will follow me as long as I am here. I know everyone are already give their forgiveness, but.... I don't know.
Haih....
All these matter remind me to a caller that called Fly Fm yesterday morning. She told about her friend behavior that make her annoyed. She said that her friend is OK and a very good friend, but she called the DJ and tell the story...! get what I mean..? What I'm trying to say is, even though how hard and how good we treat our friends or somebody else, people still will talk behind us and complaining about our attitude that maybe makes them annoyed, but we think it's not annoying to us.
Sometimes, I am mad with all these people. Why should you talk behind your friend's back..? Cakap depan-depan lah...! Susah ke?? However, when I mix around with all kind of people, I'll get used to it. I take it positively. Maybe they miss their friends so much, so that is why they talk about their friends with someone else, or maybe they were trying not to hurt their friend's feeling. This is from my point of view. If I am talking behind my friend's back, it means that I'm miss them so much or I do not know how to speak to them, because I care for them so much and I do not want to hurt their feelings. Maybe I was wrong about that. I'm not suppose to talk about something that will humiliate them behind their back. I'm suppose to talk about good thing about them. Hmm....that is why, it's hard for me to forget about what had happen between me and my close friends.
I feel so regret right now because I'm care so much about them and I love them like my family, but they already heart broken and frustrated on what I am doing. I really hope that Allah will give me second chance to start a new life with them. If it is written that everything will never back to normal again, I hope Allah will give me strength to face all these frustration and I can live my life happily without them anymore.
However, one thing I would like to confess here,that I'll always pray for their happiness forever. Even though we are not always together now, I just want them to know that I'll always miss them and remember all the good times we're having together. I am really sorry if this entry also will make them mad at me again. I don't mean anything bad towards them. I love the friendship so much....
My life are not the same anymore......
I am having fun last night, but I'm not happy and I'm not enjoy it. Why..? Because my mind is at someone else. Looking at people around, make me sad and regretted on whatever happens. Like it or not, I have to admit my nature of living and my destiny. I can't erased my mistake and I can't cleared things up. I cannot change people's perception about my attitude and behavior. Besides, if I'm confront and said that I'm don't mean it, I guess no one will believe me anymore. This misunderstanding will remain the same. Whatever the good thing that I have done before, the world and people around me do not notice it. Well....I do not care about it as long as I know that there will be only ONE that always understand and know what I am doing. HE is the ONE that will judge and evaluate my action in this world that HE created.
Even tough I know and understand that, I am still sad on whatever happen. I'm not happy anymore. My emotion always down and I can't focus in what I am doing. The mistake will follow me as long as I am here. I know everyone are already give their forgiveness, but.... I don't know.
Haih....
All these matter remind me to a caller that called Fly Fm yesterday morning. She told about her friend behavior that make her annoyed. She said that her friend is OK and a very good friend, but she called the DJ and tell the story...! get what I mean..? What I'm trying to say is, even though how hard and how good we treat our friends or somebody else, people still will talk behind us and complaining about our attitude that maybe makes them annoyed, but we think it's not annoying to us.
Sometimes, I am mad with all these people. Why should you talk behind your friend's back..? Cakap depan-depan lah...! Susah ke?? However, when I mix around with all kind of people, I'll get used to it. I take it positively. Maybe they miss their friends so much, so that is why they talk about their friends with someone else, or maybe they were trying not to hurt their friend's feeling. This is from my point of view. If I am talking behind my friend's back, it means that I'm miss them so much or I do not know how to speak to them, because I care for them so much and I do not want to hurt their feelings. Maybe I was wrong about that. I'm not suppose to talk about something that will humiliate them behind their back. I'm suppose to talk about good thing about them. Hmm....that is why, it's hard for me to forget about what had happen between me and my close friends.
I feel so regret right now because I'm care so much about them and I love them like my family, but they already heart broken and frustrated on what I am doing. I really hope that Allah will give me second chance to start a new life with them. If it is written that everything will never back to normal again, I hope Allah will give me strength to face all these frustration and I can live my life happily without them anymore.
However, one thing I would like to confess here,that I'll always pray for their happiness forever. Even though we are not always together now, I just want them to know that I'll always miss them and remember all the good times we're having together. I am really sorry if this entry also will make them mad at me again. I don't mean anything bad towards them. I love the friendship so much....
My life are not the same anymore......
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